


Loneliness in a full Haus

by grey_ghost



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Depression, Gen, It's kinda Nursey/Dex but not really?, Slam Poetry, Suicidal ideation but barely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 07:19:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7035481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grey_ghost/pseuds/grey_ghost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This isn't really a fic, more a headcanon that got out of hand.. Nursey suffers from depression and his team members find out from his poetry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loneliness in a full Haus

Nursey suffers from depression.

 

It’s a part of his life, and to him it’s not a big deal. The guys in the Haus know he needs to be alone a lot, but they think it’s because he’s writing- but he’s not. He’s curled up in his bed, staring straight ahead, barely moving for the whole day. But because he can function most days no one notices- sure he spends a lot of time in bed but he showers and eats and goes to class, so it’s just another one of those brooding poet things! So Nursey suffers, quiet and alone, in his own head.

 

 

Until one day, Bitty suggests they go to the monthly slam poetry night on campus: he knew that Nursey takes part, but no one has ever had the time to go see him before, college schedules can be hell. They turn up in the cafe, and settle in a group of bean bags in the corner. It’s nothing special, the stage nothing more than an area with a mic, and the boys really enjoy it. There’s the funny poets, the sad ones and the ones that say that one important line in such a deadpan voice, it makes you question your own existence. Finally towards the end of the show, Nursey comes out but the boys stay quiet, not wanting to throw him off his game.

 

  
Nursey clears his throat and smiles out at the audience before beginning his poem. With a clear voice he begins to speak, moving his broad and calloused hands with his words in front of him, somehow making them stronger. He details the emptiness he feels; the void inside his head and how it contrasts to the screaming that never seems to end. He throws his chest forward as he speaks of how some days, the sadness is like a bear inside him, loud and violent; and flutters his fingers gently as he described how it is like a butterfly on other days, small and fluttering deep down.

 

  
He pulls up the sleeve of his shirt, showing off the tattoo on his upper arm, an oak tree, proud, strong, and wise, and he says with a crack in his otherwise level voice _“I spend so long hating the body I have, I’ll make it pretty in any way I can.”_ Once the clapping and cheering has quietened down, Nursey stands still, hands hanging by his side and raises his head to speak his final lines;

  
_“It’s the creaking of floorboards in the morning._

_It’s the smell of dinner when I walk through the door._

_It’s the heat of their bodies on mine, gentle touches, thigh against thigh or shoulder against shoulder when I haven’t had the stomach to look at myself for weeks._

_It’s for them I stay alive.”_

 

  
Nursey bows out and walks off, somber and chill as he always is as the crowd erupts into cheers. His team mates stare at each other in horrified silence, each one soaked in tears, Chowder not even able to lift his head from his hands. The silence isn’t broken until Bitty punches the steering wheel of Chowders car on their way home.

 

  
“ _I should have known!!”_ He sobbed, as Dex reached from the back seat and squeezed his shoulder. _“Of all people it should have been me.”_

 

  
They get home before him, and the tension is palpable. Bitty bakes, Chowder paces, Ransom and Holster just stare at the tv, which isn’t even on. Nursey arrives home a half hour later and doesn’t even have time to drop his bag before the entire team are on top of him, hugging and crying and apologising for not realising. When Nursey realises what they’re talking about, he cries too.

 

  
And it gets better: The boys still give him his space, he is a poet after all. But when Nursey hasn’t left his bed all day, Dex will quietly slip in next to him, unfurl Nurseys fingers from the tight fist they’re in, and whispers to him about stars and moons and planets beyond imagination as he gently touches his fingertips to Nurseys. Bitty makes him meals. Small manageable ones, with as many nutrients as possible, and calls Jack for advice whenever he thinks he’s failing his teammate. Chowder talks to him when the silence becomes too much, and never expects an answer. Neither Ransom or Holster pressure him about missing practice, but encourage him and break down every mental block he has.

 

  
They don’t cure Nursey. No one expects him to get better. But they do what they can and for Nursey, that’s all he’s ever wished for.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr! I'm: ohh-watson


End file.
